


Desperate times call for desperate measures

by TaamiB



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, M/M, Mentions of Prostitution, Mentions of Sex, Touch-Starved, also Rumlow never joined Hydra bc i like him too much and can't deal with it, he's still a little shit tho, or at least tries to, set somewhere between the winter soldier and civil war, steve cuddles with everyone, steve goes to a brothel but not for the usual reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 02:32:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7740019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaamiB/pseuds/TaamiB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is touch-starved and goes to literally everyone for help, but not to Bucky.</p><p>aka the 5 times Steve desperately tries to get skin contact with random people + the 1 time he eventually gets what he needed.</p><p>I don't own any of the original characters or the original story that inspired me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Natasha (& Bruce)

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my second fic, I hope you guys will like it:)
> 
> It's set somewhere between The Winter Soldier and Civil War, and I imagines that Bucky returned to Steve after Hydra got exposed and from there on lived with the other Avengers in the Tower.  
> As already said in the tags, in my story Rumlow never joined Hydra, but is still an asshole. A likeable one, though, at least to me.  
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

When he agreed to the idea of watching a movie with Natasha and Bruce, he thought it would be a fun thing. And at first, it really was.  
They ordered pizza, argued a bit over which movie they were going to watch, and eventually settled down on the couch, surrounded by each and every blanket and pillow they were able to find in Bruce's apartment.   
But then, Natasha and Bruce began to lean against each other, his hand softly caressing hers, and Steve even heard some silent kissing noises next to him.  
While it usually wouldn't bother him, because he's glad that his friends are happy, the closeness of the two of them made him feel strange. It was like an itch inside his chest, and he suddenly felt anger and disapproval spread throughout his body.  
If he wouldn't have known better, he called the feeling jealousy.  
But then again, he asked himself, why would he be jealous of Bruce and Natasha? It wasn't like he felt something more than friendship for either of them, and even if so, he would never envy their relationship, because that's not a thing good friends do.  
It took him quite some time to realize that he wasn't jealous of one of them for being in love with the other, but that instead, it bothered him that they were touching and cuddling, while he wasn't.

Even though he wasn't 'lonely' as such, since he had many friends, many other people to talk to, and a lot of stuff to do in his life, he suddenly felt alone, and also kind of sad.  
All while keeping his eyes glued to the screen, because he didn't want Natasha and Bruce to feel watched, or make them think that something was wrong, he couldn't help but think about how it would be like to share this evening with Peggy.  
How it would be to lay his arm around her shoulders the way Bruce did with Natasha, to feel her warmth against his side, to feel her fingernails tickle his skin where she gently caressed his thigh.  
The loneliness began to grow, as well as the grief about how unfair it actually was, that he was still 'young', while Peggy was lying in a retirement home, old and weak and probably as lonely as he felt in that moment.   
Steve knew that complaining about how things worked out, wouldn't change anything. He really tried to accept what happened, and with time passing, it got easier. But it still hurt.  
Natasha had tried often enough to convince him to look for another relationship, since 'his biological clock is running', as she liked to call it. He always had a different excuse why he wouldn't want to ask a certain woman out.   
Too young, too confident, yes, even too blonde have been reasons he told Natasha, because he just couldn't find the words to explain that the problem wasn't with the ladies she introduced him to, but instead with himself, and with the fact that he wasn't able to open up to anyone new.  
He tried to put his feelings into words once, in the car on their way to New Jersey, when he told her that it just wasn't easy to find someone with similar life experience, and that was the closest he would ever get to understand his own feelings.  
He missed Peggy dearly. Sure, she was still alive, but, of course, a romantic relationship stood out of question. Maybe he didn't even miss Peggy herself as much, and yes, he does feel bad about the thought, but instead missed the opportunities that were stolen from them.  
All the hours they could've spent dancing, she would've taught him how to, all the evenings they could've spent on the sofa, their bodies cuddled up against each other.

It has literally been decades since anyone touched him, in a way that was more than resting a hand on his arm or padding his shoulder or anything like that, the 'kiss' he had with Natasha left aside because that obviously couldn't count, at least not to him.  
Steve thought about the endless times Bucky hugged him. It was funny, even when they were covered in blood and dirt, seperated from showers for multiple days, Bucky still smelled like home, warm and comforting.   
Since Bucky returned to him, Steve didn't hug him, not even once. Not because he wouldn't want to, but because he was scared that the action would be too much for Bucky, that he would invade his personal comfort after all those years he had to endure Hydra agents touching him, in a violent manner or not, no matter if he wanted to be touched. Bucky still had huge problems with telling people how he felt, and unless he told Steve that it was perfectly okay for him to touch Bucky, Steve won't do it, simple as that, and if that means that he'll never get to hug Bucky again, he would have to live with it. Buckys comfort was more important than his desire to feel him close to him again.

Steve threw a quick glance over his shoulder, and let his eyes wander over his friends, Natasha's head rested on Bruce's shoulder, both their eyes fixed on the screen, until Natasha's weren't anymore.  
She looked at Steve with a gentle smile, yet there was a bit of confusion in her gaze, and it took Steve a second to realize that she just caught him staring at them.

„Is everything fine?“, Natasha asked in a quiet voice, which made Bruce look at Steve, too.

„Yeah, yeah, I'm alright!“, Steve hurried to answer, slightly embarassed that he got caught. He tried to underline his words with a bright smile, but he felt as if it turned out to be more of a pained grimace.

„Are you sure?“, Natasha asked with a frown, and Steve quickly nodded his head.

After a few seconds, she sighed and her frown turned into a soft smile again, and she looked as if she would actually understand how Steve felt. She reached out a hand, signalizing Steve to take it.  
He hesitated for a moment, before giving in and letting her pull him back to where she and Bruce leaned against the rest of the couch.  
There were no further words exchanged, and Bruce obviously wasn't bothered by his girlfriend holding Steve's hand, so he tried to lean back and relax as well.  
His right arm was pressed against Natasha's side, and he had to admit that it felt nice and comforting to feel someone next to him. Her warm skin stood in contrast to his cold one, but it was a decent sensation to feel his arm getting less cold with each passing minute.  
While it was a good feeling to have Natasha as close, Steve still felt that something was missing, that it just wasn't enough.   
He enjoyed their closeness for the rest of the movie as good as he could, and he really appreciated her silent understanding for his earlier discomfort and her effort to make him feel better, and so he stayed rested against her until the film was over.  
As soon as the credits began to play, Steve got up, probably a bit too fast to not make his friends suspicious about his well-being, judged by the confused look on both their faces.

„Steve, is there anything you want to talk about?“, Bruce asked eventually.

„No, don't worry, I'm good. Just a bit tired, I guess I should go to bed now.“, Steve answered, his voice higher than usual, while trying to look as normal as possible. 

Natasha was just about to open her mouth again, not wanting to let Steve get away with that poor answer, when he quickly bowed down to place a kiss on her cheek before mumbling a quiet „thank you for the nice evening“, shook Bruce's hand, who still looked worried, and was out of the door before any of them was able to stop him.


	2. Tony

The next morning, Steve decided it would be a good idea to visit Tony in his lab.  
Since they all lived in the same building, aside of Bruce, he only had to get into the elevator and a few minutes later, he was already knocking on Tony's door.  
The other man looked surprised when he opened the door and saw Steve in front of it, but he didn't seem as if it would bother him.

„Hi, Tony!“, Steve said in a, as he hoped, friendly and carefree voice.

For a second, an irritated frown ran over Tony's face, but then he returned the smile, a little less brightly, though.

„What did I do to deserve such high visit, Cap?“, he asked in his usual sarcastic tone and Steve couldn't help but snort.

„Nothing, I just thought it would be nice to, you know, spend a little time with you. Maybe we could grab breakfast or something?“, Steve suggested, and immdiately felt weird about it, because he never did that before, at least not with Tony.

He was relieved when Tony didn't make a sassy remark about it, but instead agreed to the idea, but not before Steve wouldn't take a look at the new suit he was working on.  
They stepped back into the lab, where a freshly painted suit was located in the middle of the room, surrounded by Tony's multiple robots, which looked as if they waited for a command from their 'boss'.  
Tony was as excited as a child who talked about all the awesome toys he got for christmas, when he showed Steve all the features his new armor would have.

„See, and here I will install a tiny flap, completely invisible from the outside, and when I speak the magic words, which I won't tell you because I don't want you to know all my little secrets, Buddy, the flap will open and an even tinier laser shooter will appear, which might look harmless at first, but it will be strong enough to shoot a hole through your palm. Awesome, right?“, Tony explained with ardor in his eyes, while he pointed to the right shoulder part of the suit.

„Yeah, it sounds really good.“, Steve answered, surprised about how honest his answer actually was. Tony's enthusiasm apparently was very catchy. 

„Maybe I could also add a smoke machine to the boots, what do you think? It obviously wouldn't have any actual use, but it would be cool as hell to, you know, write into the sky. I could leave 'Tony Stark has a big dick' everywhere I am, which would be funny and great advertisement for myself at the same time, don't you think?“, Tony suggested with a laugh.

„I-.. I hope, that was a joke.“, Steve almost choked out, shocked and amused at the same time about Starks idea. 

„Of course it was.“, Tony answered with a smirk, while placing his palm on Steve's shoulder. Without a second thought, Steve immdiately leaned into the touch, not able to stop himself. Tony's hand felt warm, and he had a firm grip on Steves's arm.   
Surpressing the sudden urge to just wrap his arms around Tony and press himself against the other man for a few minutes, Steve sighed almost inaudibly and tried to fight the thought away from his mind again. He felt embarassed about even considering the idea for a moment. It was Tony, after all, and Tony wasn't the type for platonic cuddling, at least not with Steve, so he thought.

After a few seconds, Tony seperated from him again and marched towards the door. Steve followed him, almost feeling disappointed that the contact was already gone again, when Tony turned around again, winked, and said; „Or, wasn't it?“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Feel free to leave comments & suggestions :)


	3. Vision

„Hey, Vision?“

„Yes, Captain Rogers?“

„Do you sometimes crave contact? Like, skin to skin contact?“, Steve asked from where he sat in the kitchen, a huge sandwhich placed on the table in front of him, still untouched.

Vision entered the room, then, slightly confused about the mans question.

„My skin isn't the same as yours, Captain. It's synthetic. I feel pressure, and temperature, but there's no sensation compared to the one humans experience from being touched. So no, I don't crave it.  
Why do you ask?“, Vision answered in his usual, friendly voice.

For a second, Steve thought about finding an excuse for his, admittetly, odd question, but then he thought 'screw that', and just began explaining his situation.

„Because I do. I don't know where it's suddenly coming from, but I feel like I really need to, you know, cuddle with someone. It's making me mad, and it's embarassing, and I don't know what to do about it.“, Steve said in one long breath, almost immdiately regretting that he just talked so openly about what he felt.

Thankfully, Vision didn't react as weird as every other of the Avengers would've probably done.   
He sat down on the chair next to Steve, and regarded him with a serious gaze before answering.

„As far as I'm informed about it, Captain Rogers, skin contact with other people distributes endorphines, strengthens the trust towards the other person involved, as well as providing comfort and even satisfaction, in a sexual manner. If I may share my opinion about your situation, I think it isn't something anormal, to feel the need to touch someone else, especially since, please forgive me my 'spying', you haven't had a relationship close enough with anyone to actually take care of those needs since before you landed in the ice.“, Vision stated.

Steve nodded slowly, repeating the words he just heard in his mind for a moment.

„My craving isn't, um, of a sexual nature, I guess.“, he answered, feeling himself blush at the use of those words. He still hadn't got used to the open-minded culture nowadays, and talking about anything that involves sex or romantic feelings made him feel a bit uncomfortable, especially since he didn't have much experience with the subject.   
„It's more like.. I just want to touch anyone, at the moment it doesn't even matter, who. God, I feel so stupid about this.“, Steve continued with a groan, burrying his face in his hands to escape Visions view, at least for a short moment.

„There's no need to feel stupid about this, Captain Rogers. Like I said, it is a normal feeling many humans tend to have, a few more so than others.“, the other man said, in this voice that always remembered Steve of how his teachers used to explain stuff to them, back when he was in school.

„If I may suggest something, Captain?“, Vision continued, and Steve nodded, now looking at Vision again. „If you want me to, I could try to help you out.“

„Help me.. out?“, Steve asked, already knowing what was about to come.

„If you would like to, we can sit down and.. what was the word again?.. Cuddle.“, Vision said, and Steve felt himself blushing, his face probably as red as a tomato at this point.

On one hand, he felt embarassed because he started to talk about the subject in the first place. He wasn't one to complain to others when he wasn't feeling great, and he honestly had not idea why he suddenly did so, now.  
The other thing that made him tingle with painstakingness, was, that he actually wanted to accept Visions offer. He tried to find arguments against it, but his touch-starved mind threw them all out again, immdiately after he figured them out, and eventually, he nodded, his face burning hot from the feeling of shame that spread through his body.

He got up, eyes glued to the floor, and followed Vision to where he was now seated on the sofa.  
Steve still didn't dare to look at the other man when he sat down next to him, and Vision raised his arms to rest one around Steves shoulders, while the other took hold of the hand that was lying on the Captains stomach.  
After a few minutes he gave into the touch, slighlty leaning against Visions body.  
His skin felt different than Natasha's, Peggys and Bucky's have felt, but it would've been a lie to say that it was an uncomfortable sensation.  
Steve prayed silently for no one to enter the room now, because he honestly wouldn't find any words that would be a plausible explanation for this, not without having to bury himself right after it because he wouldn't be able to live with the embarassment of the whole situation.

„This is awkward.“, Steve stated eventually.

„Do you want to me stop?“

„Absolutely not.“


	4. Rumlow

„Some people might think you're losing on purpose, Cap.“, Rumlow groaned as he pushed himself up from where he followed Steve down to the ground.

And even though it sounded absurd and ridiculous, the other man might have been right. It wasn't the first time that day that he pinned Steve to the ground, had him on his back for three seconds, and got up again. In fact, it was the 8th time in a matter of not even one hour.  
Now, Rumlow sure was a pretty skilled fighter, but Steve was a super soldier; Rumlows sarcastic wonderment wasn't misplaced at all.  
Over the last days, Steve's frustration grew more and more, and he felt as if he was going to burst soon if he doesn't find a functional way to get rid of it.   
The 'cuddling' with Vision wasn't even that bad, it was just not enough, and also awkward in its own way. Steve tried to deport the failure of their experiment on the fact that Vision wasn't an actual person, but in the back of his mind, he doubted that it would've felt any better if he was.  
Now he felt ashamed and almost perverse.  
Rumlow wasn't wrong with his notion that Steve let him push him to the ground on purpose. There was a strange sensation coming from the pain of being thrown down, and from the pressure of the other mans body above him as he pushed his shoulders to the ground, until the necessary three seconds were over.  
Normally, when he trained with Brock, he would maybe let him 'win' one or two times, only to not make him feel as if he was a bad fighter, since he really wasn't. But that happened in a period of about two or three hours, and without making him all too suspicious. Steve always gave his best, and so it mostly ended with a score of 17:2 for the Captain, and Rumlow knew that he wouldn't stand a chance against Steve in a regular fight, only if he caught him by surprise, and even then, only if he's lucky. After all, Steve was still Captain America.

Rumlow reached out one hand, and Steve took it, let himself be pulled back to his feet. He took hold of the other mans hand for longer than necessary, and even though he knew that it would be very awkward if Brock noticed, he wasn't able to stop himself.  
'Goddammit man, keep it together.', he commanded himself internally, annoyed by the sudden weakness that accompanied him for a few days now, and wasn't getting any better.  
Once he signalized that he was ready, Rumlow attacked him again. Although he told himself that this time, he should really put up an actual effort, because Rumlow was already suspicious, he let the other man simply push him on the ground, he didn't even raise his arms to stop him from pushing his weight onto him, pinning him down once again.  
Instead of getting up after three seconds as usual, Rumlow decided to keep the Captain down, and shifted his weight so he could look him right in the eyes, his grip firm on Steve's chest.

„See, I already guessed quite a few times that you were trying to let me win now and then, in our past sessions, probably to help my confidence or shit, I don't know and I don't care. But this is getting ridiculous. What the fuck is wrong with you?“, he hissed with one raised eyebrow.

„I'm just tired.“, Steve answered, which wasn't even a complete lie, since sleep didn't come easy to him during the last nights. Still, he knew that this was a sorry excuse of an explanation, and that the other man wouldn't buy it. 

„'I'm just tired' my ass, Rogers. You don't actually think I'm that fucking dumb, do you?“, Brock said, and although he was smirking and Steve knew that he wouldn't actually want to start an arguement, the annoyance in his voice was unequivocally. 

Instead of giving an answer, Steve just stared back at Rumlow, concentrating on the feeling of the body pressed against his own. Brock was sweating, and his skin was hot against Steve's, and normally he would find it rather uncomfortable, but on this day he wished the contact would simply stay forever. He felt bad about it, and if Rumlow knew what was going on inside his head, he would probably never so much as look at him again, but Steve couldn't help it.

„I'm fucked up.“, Steve said with a sigh, before realizing that he actually said that out loud, which wasn't his plan at all.

When he flung up his eyes in surprise over his own words, Rumlow frowned and furrowed his eyebrows while shaking his head, before he decided that this talk won't get either of them anywhere, and pushed himself off again.  
The pressure on Steve's shoulders increased for a second before it was gone, and he saw Rumlow looking down at him, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

„Aren't we all a bit fucked up?“, he asked with a smirk, before heading towards the door. „If you're really that tired, maybe we should continue this tomorrow. Sleep tight, princess.“, he added in a mocking voice as he left the room without looking back, leaving Steve on the mat, where he bathed in his own embarassment and his anger about himself.


	5. The brothel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's not what it looks like, I swear

If someone would've told him a few weeks ago that he will ever be this desperate, he probably would've laughed for hours about the insanity of the thought.  
And yet there he was, in front of an unsettling dark painted house, with a bright burning, red sign over the door, which said „PARADISE“.  
Yes, Steven Grant Rogers, Captain America, the moral compass of the nation, was about to enter a brothel.  
If his mother was still alive, she would've probably passed out now, he thought to himself with a cynical smirk, not amused at all.  
He never thought he would ever set a foot into such a building. Not because he shamed the workers there for what they do, but because he never expected himself to be in a situation of such need, to actually even consider going there.  
And yet, there he was standing, again red as a tomato, feeling the discomfort tingling on his skin.

It wasn't like he was going there because he wanted sex. He was going there because his problem was getting out of hand. There was no one amongst his friends who could help him with it, only Bucky, he assumed, but then again, he didn't want to make Bucky uncomfortable only because he wasn't able to deal with his problems on his own.  
Steve wasn't even sure what he expected from his visit in the brothel, all he knew, was, that something has to happen soon, or he would lose his mind.  
His pathetic behaviour in the gym with Rumlow was the final straw. He spent the next two days thinking about what else he could try, when his eyes eventually found Tony, Tony who used to brag about all these oh so awesome things he did with the women in a brothel.   
So, he sat down at his computer, and googled for cathouses in the area where they lived, searching for pictures of the houses and reviews from people who have already been there.  
Out of all those he found, this one sounded the most reputable, and so he decided to just give it a try.

Steve felt his hand shaking when he pushed the door open.  
The music he was already hearing when he was standing outside, nearly made his ears bleed as soon as he stepped in, and once again he cursed his advanced hearing.   
He was met by a cloud of smoke, hairspray, and, he couldn't describe it any better, the smell of sex when he entered.   
Not even half a minute passed, when he was greeted by a tall, blonde woman, with pink lips, piercing green eyes, and only dressed in her underwear and high heels.

„Hello, sweet boy. Looking for some fun?“, she asked in a soft, yet confident voice, and she leaned against him, spreading some of the glitter she wore on her decolleté on Steve's sleeve.

„Um, yeah, I don't know, if never been in a... in a place like this.“, Steve stuttered, and he felt as if he might just pass out on the spot from his nervousness.

„Oh, that's not a problem, gorgeous.“, the woman answered, and moved her head closer to him, her lips almost touching his ear. „My name's Amanda, and I promise I can make you feel really good, honey.“

Steve didn't even dare to turn his head around and look at Amanda when he answered.  
„I-I'm not here for... I don't want to.. I'm-“

„-Baby, calm down!“, Amanda interrupted him with a laugh, and stroked his cheek softly with her knuckles, before cupping his chin and forcing his head down to look her right in the eyes, which were painted with a very pretty eye shadow, as Steve noticed. „Whatever you're here for, I'm sure you'll find it. Come on, let's sit down for a moment, so you can get used to the environment a bit and then we can talk about all your hidden desires, how does that sound, darling?“, she asked, and the smile that was playing around her lips was gentle and understanding.  
Steve felt himself relaxing a tiny bit, and followed her to the seats next to where the barkeeper leaned against the counter.

Once they sat down, her hand rested on Steve's knee, massaging it slightly and it took him more effort than he would like to admit, to not let himself feel at least a little aroused by what the woman was doing.

„So, honey, now try again, and this time form an actual sentence.“, she suggested with a wink and Steve smiled shyly before answering.

„I came here in the hope to, you know, not to sleep with someone or to receive any other services in that direction.“, he said, looking to the ground, and Amanda raised an eyebrow, obviously surprised about his response.

„Then, what else are you searching for?“, she asked, and her voice sounded a lot less put-on, suddenly. 

Steve shrugged, again feeling embarassed about the reason he came to the brothel. Again without looking at Amanda, he tried to give his answer as short as possible.

„I just want to feel someone. Cuddle. Embrace. Whatever you'd like to call it.“, he almost whispered and was honestly surprised that Amanda actually understood what he said. He felt his cheeks heating up and already prepared himself to leave again, sure that the women wouldn't be up for this.

But then Amanda laughed sympathically, and rested her palm on his shoulder, stroking it softly.

„You are probably the cutest guest we ever had, baby boy. You don't need to be scared, after all, this is the 'Paradise' and if all those oh so wise, old men are right, all your wishes come true in paradise, right?“, she joked, and Steve began to calm down, returning her smile. 

„So, do you prefer a special type, dear?“, Amanda asked and Steve didn't have an actual answer.

„I-I don't know, which types do you have?“, he stuttered, and was greeted by the huge grin that began to spread on the womans face.

„We have every type, honey.“, she said with a wink. Then, she stood up and took him by the hand, urging him to follow her. „Come with me.“

They passed multiple women on their way through the brothel, some younger, some older, but, Steve had to admit, all stunning in their own, unique way. Amanda was just about to lead him up the stairs, when his eyes spotted a woman in the back of the room, a cigerette in one hand, the other resting on her thigh.  
She had dark brown hair, some of it falling into her face, wore black and silver dessous with black varnish boots and even from the distance, Steve's super soldier eyes were able to make out that her eyes where as blue as the sky, sorrounded by dark eyeshadow.  
„This one.“, he said, more to himself than to Amanda, who followed his gaze.

„That's a good choice, baby. Just wait here, I'll get her for you.“, she said and gave his hand one last squeeze, before walking over to the other woman with swaying hips. Steve couldn't deny that she looked ridiculously good while doing so.

He watched as the two women talked to each other, and everytime one of them looked back to him, he wished to just be invisible, the nervousness running through his body again.  
It had only been a few minutes, but to Steve, it felt like hours, until the brunette woman got up and walked towards him, with fast, yet soft steps, and a confident smile on her face.  
She reached out a hand and Steve shook it, as she told him her name.

„My name's Jaimy“, she said, before turning around and leading him up the stairs. „But you can call me anything you want, baby.“

Steve followed Jaimy into a red-painted room, with dim light and huge, round bed in the middle.  
With uncertainty, he looked around in the room, spotting some erotic paintings and many candles, as well as another door, which probably lead to either a bathroom, or another bedroom. There was no window in the room, and it smelled like cinnamon and roses, so intense, it almost made Steve feel sick.

„So, I heard you haven't been to an établissement like ours before, and, you're not here for the usual stuff, is that right, honey?“, she asked as she sat down on the bed, and only then, Steve noticed that she was speaking with a russian accent. He gulped before nodding, his nervousness almost paralyzing him. 

Jaimy padded on the mattress next to her, signalizing him to sit down aswell.

„Don't you worry, любимый, there's nothing to be scared about.“, she purred into his ear as he sat down, and placed a kiss underneath his earlobe. A shudder ran over Steve's back, but it wasn't an unpleasurable sensation. 

„Do you want to lay down? Might be a little bit more comfortable.“, Jaimy suggested and Steve nodded hastily, praying for his tension to decrease as soon as they're finally doing what he came here for. 

Amanda must've informed her colleague about everything Steve told her, because instead of undressing, Jaimy robbed up the bed until her head was resting on one of the pillows, and reached out one arm, showing Steve that he should follow her and that she was ready to begin. 

He was just about to lay down, when she spoke again.

„If you want to take off your clothes, you can do that, too. Whatever makes you feel good, baby.“, she said in a soft voice, a gentle smile playing around her lips, and even though she never looked a day older than 25, she seemed to be even younger, now. 

„Um, thank you, but I think I'll keep my clothes on.“, Steve almost whispered, his ability to speak confidently abandoned him as soon as he stepped into the building, and wasn't planning to return soon, as Steve noted with discontent.

Eventually, he let himself sink into the womans embrace. He was stiff and distant at first, but after a few minutes, he felt himself relaxing and leaned into her touch. One of her arms was placed around his shoulders, so that he could rest his head on her collar bone, and she drew little circles on his back with her fingernails. It made him shiver, but in a good way. Her other hand took his and pulled his arm over her waist, before taking hold of his upper arm, massaging it gently.  
He didn't remember how they ended up like this, because he didn't inted to move that way, but after some time, he had one leg rested over one of hers, and he felt her placing a kiss against the top of his head.  
They didn't move much after that, and not a single word was spoken.  
Jaimy's embrace felt nice and comforting, and although Steve enjoyed every minute of it, because the way she held him calmed and solaced his usually hectic and stressed soul, it still wasn't enough.   
It was great while it lasted, but after their time was up, Steve didn't feel as fullfilled as he hoped he'd be after their session.

He payed Jaimy twice as much as he would've had to, and thanked her for her effort with a kiss on the cheek, just as he did with Natasha. Then, he hurried to get out of the building, hoping to not meet anyone who knew who he was. He also wanted to say goodbye to Amanda before he left, because he wasn't raised by wolves and wanted to be polite, but he wasn't able to find her anywhere, so he stepped out into the cold air, and began to jog back to the Stark Tower.


	6. Bucky

Once he got to his room, he checked the time. It was almost 2 in the morning, and he wasn't tired at all.  
Regarding the smell of the brothel that still lingered on his skin and his clothes, he began to undress, and put his worn clothes into the washing machine, but without turning it on because he didn't want to wake anyone up with the noise the machine would make.  
He quickly jumped into the shower, enjoying the hot water that ran down his body. For a moment he even thought about taking a bath, but then decided against it, since he was still feeling restless and probably wouldn't stay in the tube for long, either way. 

After a few minutes in front of the huge bookshelf, which stood in their community living room, he decided on reading the first part of the 'Harry Potter'-series. The books were on his „to-do-and-to-hear“-list since day one, but he never managed to actually start, even though he was very curious after everything he heard about it. But he was already late, what would one or two weeks change, after all?

Steve laid down, only wearing sweatpants, blanket pulled up to his chin. It's been months since he decided to buy a new mattress, and still, it amazed him every evening just how comfortable the thing was.  
Since he wanted to read, he left his bedside lamp turned on, knowing that the light wouldn't bother anyone as long as he kept the door closed.  
He just reached the part were Harry and Hagrid enter the Diagon Alley, when Steve heard a soft knock on his door. 

He tried to answer, but his voice wasn't prepared to be used again, and the „yes?“ he planned on saying came out more as a throaty groan than an actual word.  
Steve coughed and tried again.

„Yeah?“

With that, the door opened, and in the frame stood Bucky, with messy hair and circles under his eyes, so dark, Steve could see them even from the distance between them.

„Buck, what's up? Are you okay?“, Steve asked with a gentle smile when Bucky said or did nothing.

The other man slowly nodded before deciding differently and shook his head. Then he shrugged and answered in a tired, silent voice, barely more than a whisper.

„Couldn't sleep. Had my usual dreams and I saw that your light's still on, I hoped I could maybe.. Um.. I don't even know what I actually wanted.“, he said, cracking an exhausted smile at the end of the sentence. „Sorry if I'm disrupting you.“, he added.

„No, it's fine, Buck. Do you want to sit down, maybe?“, Steve asked, his voice suddenly unusually high. He realized that he was feeling nervous again, and he didn't know why. After all, this was still Bucky, his best friend. Nothing to be nervous about, right?

Bucky nodded and made his way over to Steve's bed, who slipped a bit to the side to make room for his friend. As Bucky sat down, Steve laid his book to the side. He felt the urge to rest his hand on Buckys leg or wrap his arms around his shoulders to give him some comfort, because he looked like he really needed it. But, Steve decided against it. He wouldn't do anything, not until Bucky said on his own that it was okay.

„What are you reading?“, Bucky asked and nodded towards the book.

„Oh, I started with 'Harry Potter', do you know it?“, Steve answered before realizing what he just said, and slapped himself internally.  
„Sorry, Buck, I-“

„-Don't worry, jerk. Sometimes, even I myself seem to forget it.“, Bucky interrupted him with a sad smile. „Well, at least for a few seconds. But to answer your question, I haven't read it. I heard about it, though, but that's all.“

„If you want to, I could read it to you. Maybe that will even help you fall asleep?“, Steve suggested, and Bucky shyly smiled and nodded, again.

„But then you'd have to start from the beginning, again.“, Bucky said with a frown when he saw where Steve's bookmark was placed.

„That's okay, I wouldn't mind.“, Steve hurried to answer, and Bucky smiled, although he didn't seem completely convinced.   
„Really, Buck. It's fine.“, Steve reassured him, watching as Bucky leant back against the rest of the bed, slowly relaxing a bit.

As Steve began to read, his own nervousness gradually started to fade away, as well. He still didn't have an answer for why he was nervous at all in the first place, but seeing Bucky calm and with a tiny smile on his lips as he watched Steve reading, out of the corner of his eyes, made him feel more steady.   
After a few pages, he heard his friend shuffle around next to him, and realized, even though he didn't react because he didn't want Bucky to feel uncomfortable about it, that the other man laid down next to him, still watching Steve.

Just when he reached the part where Harry was sent under the stairs again, which reminded him of how he used to hide underneath the stairs at school when the other kids used to hunt him through the school building until Bucky found him there and lead him home by his hand, Bucky let his head drop warily on Steve's shoulder, his temple feeling cool against Steve's naked skin.   
He tried not to give a reaction to it, but a feeling of happiness and relief began to spread through his body, and he suddenly felt as if he could embrace the whole damn world.  
This was the first time Bucky touched him in any way since he moved into the Tower with him. He came to Steve on his own, laid down next to him on his own, and searched for physical contact on his own.  
Steve felt as if his heart was about to explode, but he still refused to give Bucky any sign that this was as special to him as it actually was, afraid of making him feel scared or weird or anything about it. So he remained still, trying to keep a steady voice, and continued reading.

It wasn't long until he felt Bucky moving again, wrapping his right arm around Steve's waist in an unbelievably careful manner, alongside an almost inaudible sigh.   
Steve tried to keep his body relaxed as he felt the other man resting his head on his chest more firmly, and when he dared to look at Bucky after a few minutes, he saw that his friends eyes were closed, and he was most likely asleep, with a look of coziness on his face, and then it hit Steve, that this was what he longed for in the past weeks.   
This, holding Bucky in his arms, feeling him against his skin, made the restlessness disappear in a matter of seconds, and Steve almost immidiately felt incredibly calm and comforted. It simply felt right.

He laid his book down again, and very carefully moved so he could rest his arm around Buckys shoulders, supporting the part of his head that wasn't already placed on his chest, and with his other hand, he gently took hold of Buckys, drawing little circles into his palm with him thumb.   
Not even the still turned-on light bothered him as he laid back, taking one last look at his Bucky, before closing his eyes, and finally drove off into a long-missed, calm sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it, I hope you liked it & thank you for reading!:)
> 
> I appreciate comments & suggestions very much, just please stay kind
> 
> also, find me on tumblr as fyeah-buckybarnes (marvel stuff) or carl-emerson (the100, GoT, Harry Potter, Shadowhunters)
> 
> Have a great day! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it :) 
> 
> Comments & suggestions are more than welcome, but please be kind, I'm still unexperienced with writing.


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